Learning hurts

Frustration, anger and self-irritation are the prices we pay to learn new skills. But because we feel them, we can be sure that learning is happening. 

I am a terrible golfer. I have a terminal slice. I aim straight down the middle but my ball flies in a perfect arc way, way off to the rough on the right. 

I take lessons, of course. But I don't improve. It's not my teacher's fault. It's mine. I have a multitude of bad habits. My golf pro explains what I'm doing wrong and works with me to change my technique so that I can drive straighter. And I promise to practice.

And I do. For a while. I understand what I have to do. But my body refuses to do the simple things I demand of it. I still straighten out my arms much too late; forget to correct my stance; get my grip wrong. Often, as I try to change my swing, my shots get worse.

And so my balls continue to in their perfect flights to the deepest rough. Or the bunker. Or the lake. I get frustrated. Then I get irritated at myself. Then I get angry that I am irritated. 

I haven't broken any clubs yet, but it's only a matter of time.

On occasion, I get so angry I give up and walk away. But sometimes I try again the following day. And the day after that.

And after a couple of weeks later my slice is...better. It's not great. But it's better.

My body has learned to do better.  

I still get frustrated that I'm not hitting it like Rory McIlroy, but I tell myself it's only a matter of time, (and many more frustrating, irritating, enraging bad shots before I get there).

As adults at work we have learned to do our jobs. When we want to improve, we get some training and we are supposed to practice. But many of us don't. Why? Often because it hurts too much to try to change something we have learned to do, to doing it in a new way. We feel frustrated that we can't hit it perfectly off the tee as soon as we have had it explained to us.

Many of us feel these things and stop trying. But as I have learned, painfully, this is a mistake. The frustration and anger and irritation that happens when we try to learn something new aren't just signs of stress - they are evidence that we are learning. It is generated by the gap between our knowledge (we know what we want to do) and our skills (our bodies or minds haven't yet developed the facility to do so).

Education gives us knowledge. Training give us skills. And there is a gap between our understanding what we want to do and our being able to do it. 

So now, when I start to feel frustrated and angry because my golf ball sails away into the rough, again, I accept it as the price I need to pay to cross this gap. 

Better, I know that because I feel this way, I know learning is happening and it will get better - for learning hurts.